Dear Terrible Dorm Mates… The Nelson Edition

Since we are spending a lot of time in hostels now, we are having some interesting encounters. This is the first post in a (possibly very long) series of notes to prior dorm mates we have had. We could never say these things out loud to them, but you may enjoy laughing at our misery.
Dear Terrible Dorm Mates,

We met you at Prince Albert in Nelson. If you can call it meeting you. You didn’t care to talk to or acknowledge us. You were a fair-skinned, blonde-haired couple that was from we don’t know where because you didn’t speak to us.

On our first day we came in to find you in the shower together. That was fun.

We also found out that you consistently stunk up the room multiple times per day (a downfall of an ensuite bathroom) and we became concerned you needed to see a GI doc.

You wouldn’t let us open the door to release the stink because “mosquitos”. When we replied with “it’s hot” and “it smells in here” your rebuttal was “mosquitos” paired with a confused look and closing of the door. We are pretty sure there are no mosquitos here, and even if there were, they would find Kerry first.

You hogged the bottom bunks yet shared only one… all day and night.

The male portion of your duo enjoyed stripping down to his tiny man panties and scarring us forever. Then you would whisper to each other while we sweated profusely and texted each other giggling.

The female portion of your duo almost gave yourself a concussion when we walked in on you two having fun and you jumped up and said “hi” – clearly the only English word you know other than “mosquitos”.

You may or may not be albinos. Still not sure on that one. All we do know is that you preferred to have the doors and windows shut and shades drawn at all hours of the day.

You enjoyed giving each other gross, sloppy kisses while we were there. And probably farting together because there’s no other way a room could stink so much. Seriously.

Smell ya later!

Your Fumigated Friends

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